To my 20-year-old self,
If you think you’ll have it all figured out at 30, think again.
Over the next 10 years you’re going to battle between setting up for a life that conforms to social norms and following the unconventional path that you can never plan.
Let me begin with this:
You will not have the typical 20-30 experience, although you’ll panic and reach out to find ‘normal’ on a few occasions – this won’t last. Normal will put you to sleep. Accept this before you even embark on these 10 years. Don’t fight it – it’ll just cause upset and ultimately, ‘normal’ is not what you’ve ordered.
Surrender to that.
You will love. But you won’t find the love you want. Because what you want will keep changing and expanding as you change and expand.
You’ll learn that you’re the happiest when you’re NOT in love, and not recovering from it. Both of which take a lot from your soul.
You’re happiest when you’re slap-bang in the independence of being totally and utterly unattached and single. (This doesn’t occur often or for long periods, but it does happen.)
I’d say you’ll get cynical in love, regardless, passion will keep driving you. Your spark for romance will never go out completely. And it’ll be reignited into a raging bonfire with even the slightest whisper of desire in the wind.
You probably don’t want to know this but you’ll lose stuff. Not the small stuff, you’re too responsible for that. You’ll suffer immense loss. Sadly. Sometimes your mind (briefly). Sometimes your direction (temporarily). Sometimes people (permanently). You’ll learn to live differently because of it. You’ll be propelled into living better. A truer experience.
You’ll have moments of debilitating despair. They won’t last long.
You’ll have moments of absolute clarity. Neither will they.
You will be a pillar of strength for others during some very rough times. You will have to be your own pillar too. You will surprise yourself. You will be stronger than you ever imagined.
The darkness will never last because you’ll discover ways to create your own light.
At 30 you still won’t be able to define yourself. Don’t let it frustrate you. You don’t wish to be easily defined.
You’ll search. You’ll keep searching.
Remember: What you’re seeking is also looking for you.
“If you knew who walks beside you on this path that you have chosen,
fear would be impossible!”
Your 30-year-old self.