“all we know about the future is that it’s going to be different”

How do you sum-up a year?
While letting the last tears of 2012 fall, I will try….
2012 has been a challenging year for most people I know.
Whether they have reached today feeling triumphant or rewarded or if they are still battered and bruised, I think most of us will agree that something major shifted in our universe, and we ALL had a little wobble or even fell completely off our feet.

I thank my lucky stars for  helping me make it through the most unsteady time of my life. Looking back – my fresh start, the days and months that followed, the fear of the f*ck up, being stuck in the mud and the ‘one foot in front of the other’ approach that brought me to TODAY  were all apart of this ‘new beginning’.

Through all the uncertainty that this process holds I find myself in a job I love, more rewarding than I ever even imagined possible. Not only do I love it, but I am also brilliant at it (even if i say so myself). I have the opportunity to travel the world with this new skill, and make a difference. Looking back at my silent prayers to the universe last year, before the walls crashed in on me, THAT’S what I wished for. That’s ALL I wished for.
And in hindsight I see that my prayers have been answered, pretty loud and bloody clear, but when wishing for a rewarding job, while dreaming of making a difference I didn’t realise that in order for the Universe to answer my prayers, and give me what I was asking for, that my life had to drastically change.  This new life could not squeeze into my other life; it could not just fit in to how things were.

I had to change; I had to be available emotionally and with my time.  And my heart, mind and routine were devoted to one particular person. There was no room for growth, there was no room for teaching, there was no room for anything else.
I wouldn’t have been able to give more than just the basic requirements, I wouldn’t have been able to teach, share, inspire, motivate, connect if I had not hit rock bottom. I would not have been able to learn. I would not be able to really see anyone or anything else. But now I can.

I am learning & I am teaching.
These have been my lessons this year, and I realise I even tried to plan my process of discovery, and therefore stopped moving until I just started to remind myself to trust the process.

What got me through the uncertainty?
Little sayings, that really touched and made sense to me and would often become my mantra for a day or a week or more. Words are powerful.  The mind is so strong. But when my strength of mind failed me, uncertainty is was I made myself thrive on. The excitement of uncertainty.

“All we know about the future is that it’s going to be different.”

This is just the beginning.
I have laid my foundations for what I really want, this is just the tip of my iceberg and just the introduction to my process.
2012 I spent rebuilding my wings
2013 I fly

Dear Past,  

Thank you for the lessons  

Dear Future,  

I am ready.

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