Wherever you go, there you are.

I’ve been trying to practice mindfulness this weekend. I understand that there’s no perfect performance that I’m rehearsing for, but in being present I’m struggling with being at peace with my now and not feeling like I’m ignoring the issues that I’m putting off facing in my mind.

What does ‘the mindful me’ do?
Do I simply accept the situation I find myself in and by accepting it, not make attempts to change it (today or any day) or do I channel what I see as my higher self and make right what I see I’ve done wrong, . . .
Do I become aware of how I’ve got my limits socially/emotionally/physically and accept it or do I attempt to better myself by reflecting on my weaknesses, taking responsibility for my responses which weren’t ultimately how my higher self would have reacted (surely.)?
Am I mistaking being present for suppressing and putting off?
Would inner peace come from making peace with him (attempting to; how he responds is out of my control, then what)?
I suppose mindfulness is knowing and accepting that now isn’t the time to solve this problem. When will it be? Later today, another day, never. Being present at the moment to me means I should enjoy where I am, for what it is today. Trusting that my conflicts will be better rectified if I’m content… regardless of the outcome…

Calmness: Observing without reacting or judging to me seems like the effects of a dose of mild tranquilizers.

Gentle effort: The me I want do be would chose her words more kindly, without an ultimate agenda (like kindness with the subconscious motive to influence the outcome that would benefit my ego).

If I’m finding myself in situations where I feel I’m being tested to my limits

[The incessant stream of thoughts]
*Am I being true to myself by going against my natural impulse to speak my instinctual/learnt version of somewhat-truth?
*Or do I follow the thought of letting go of what isn’t serving me, isn’t bringing out the best in me, is unsettling me?
*Or again, do I do my best to be my best in the conflict and then peacefully take what comes next?

I find my mind moving beyond now, beyond the next few minutes, hours, beyond today. I need to bring my awareness back to this moment.
In this moment, out by the riverside, there isn’t anything I can do apart from making today good. Paying attention to the moment, non-judgementally.
Pretty much, the opposite of what I’ve just done… or is this a form of the suggested “self observation“?
[Insert Harmony & Wisdom]

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