It’s what you see in movies, the broken hearted’s life crashes down around him or her (more often than not, it’s a her) and after the never ending stream of tears, the journey into the darkest deepest most hopeless hole, (I’m not sure if it’s a voice or it its just our own desperate attempt to save ourselves) – something inside says ‘start afresh’ . . . when all seems to be lost, it’s the perfect opportunity to throw caution to the wind and
‘start afresh… you have nothing to loose, shake life up a bit !!’
That’s what I did. What I am doing. I am known to be pretty extreme. Extremely happy, extremely sad, extremely open/confused/tough/weak – from one month to the next, from one week or one moment to the next. I’ve been created as a highly sensitive being. Life AFFECTS me. The good, the bad, I feel it for all it is. And something I lost over the last few years was my spontaneity, my fearlessness. That constant rushing through my veins reminding me
‘don’t take life so seriously, don’t think so far ahead… Live, see the world, what you love the most is the experience, so EXPERIENCE.’
As a self-proclaimed ‘traveler’, I knew the decision to head off to South East Asia would do what travelling does to me. It would invigorate my soul, send me off into a glorious daydream, make me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to. Travel makes me feel untouchable! It fuels this fire in me that slowly fades away after a few years of being stagnant and trying to live the stock standard responsible life.
So I did what not all people are fortunate enough, brave enough, or just plain mad enough to do. I resigned from my job and jumped ship to go ‘find myself’ in another country. I still have to smile when I think of the concept of finding ones self … those words are thrown around so carelessly. But I knew I had the opportunity to change my life, besides my heart that was wrecked beyond recognition, I had not been comfortable with settling into the ‘safe’ approach to life and I was given an ‘out’. I had to take it.
Cambodia and Vietnam are hidden treasures of the world. And out of every continent or country I needed to be, Cambodia and Vietnam was it. As I expected, I came home high as a kite (No, not the same high as when I left Amsterdam) just wanting to hop onto the next plane out. The opportunities and endless possibilities overwhelmed me…
Fresh starts sound glamorous, in the movies they always are. They are seductive and exciting and limitless… When you are free to do WHATEVER you want, where on earth do you start? What the hell do you choose?
So began, what I have come to know as, ‘the fear of f*cking up the fresh start’ phobia!!! This took me a while to get my head around. So much to do, so little time, where do I even begin. I can’t mess my new life up!!
But having time to reflect inward, to be available with an open mind and heart I have started to see those opportunities I would never have been able to imagine prior to my trip.
Cambodia and Vietnam saved my life. I am now being guided by little signs, those crazy coincidences, the persistent voice that through the mad noise of silence says ‘You ARE doing the right thing, don’t rush things, just trust yourself’ and following MY process.
Only you know what YOU need. Are you brave enough to give it a chance? A new fresh start is exciting, but flipping scary.
Can you wipe your slate clean, forgive yourself for messing up the first attempt and try again?
Some choose to hold onto what they know, something stable in insecure times.
Apparently, that’s not me.